i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
