She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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