I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
