"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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