wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
