Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
