you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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