Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
