Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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