U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
