my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
