He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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