Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
