drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
