sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Randomize
