Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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