billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
