Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
