Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
