u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
