I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I see more hoeing in ur future
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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