sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
