Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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