Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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