No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i now understand why vodka
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
