Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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