VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I could make wine with my vomit
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think my moral compass just broke
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