Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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