I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
