It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
