another moral hangover. fuck.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
