Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I pour the whiskey from now on
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
