Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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