dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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