no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We left an ass print on the piano.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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