It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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