he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
