do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
