Kiss
Puke
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
