so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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