I think i peed on brittanys purse
this beer tastes like vomit already
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
