I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
