You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
