Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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