for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize