can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
