i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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