This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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