BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
