I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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