I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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