Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
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