After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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