I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
