Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
