He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
