The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
