going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
