you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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