Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
