I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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