I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
