Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
