it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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