Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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