you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize