So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
