it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
