We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize