You can't motorboat a personality
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
