I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize