Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
