YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
