Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
