Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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